Thinking About Getting a Second Revolver to Keep Up With All This

I hope - I sincerely, truly and deeply hope - that this is not true. A remake of Casablanca is bad enough - a remake with Ben Affleck and J. Lo is too horrible to contemplate. Consider:

A friend said: "They are overjoyed at the propspect of being in Casablanca together.

"It is the chance for them to show how much they love each other through their on-screen chemistry."

Yup, that's me in the spotlight, retching into the wastebasket under my desk.