With A Little Help From My Friends

Heather's post today about the loss of her dog set me to thinking, about my own recent loss. A number of thoughts about grieving and coping with grief have been percolating in the brain box all day. Here they are, freshly brewed. If they seem a little disjointed or unintelligible, well, I'll just have grind the beans a little finer next time around.

A brief aside: if this is the point where you're thinking 'what's the big deal about your dog dying' or 'why don't you just get a replacement' - well then sir or madam, I bid you good day. Come back tomorrow. With a clue please. And now...

I am single. I live by myself. In practical terms, this means two things. One: my apartment is very empty these days. If anything, this emptiness only magnifies the loss. By 'magnifies' I mean it shoves it right down my fucking throat each and every time I open the front door and there is no Beagle to greet me. Two: there is no girlfriend, spouse, partner - whatever you want to call it - to cut into that emptiness, to bring another friendly presence there.

So I was wondering, how I exactly have I coped with all this? There's family of course, and they've been good to me, as they've always been. But..they're busy, with lives and trials and joys of their own. Some live far way. Some are planning weddings, or running businesses, or taking care of their parents. And this is as it should be - they're not responsible for helping me to shoulder every burden.

But really, it's been my friends who have kept me from going around the bend. And not in the sense of there being some grand movement to Save Dan or Cheer Dan Up on their part. I'm sure some are unaware of much their actions - the little gestures - have meant to me. Think of flowers scattered across the surface of a dead dark pool of water. The flowers don't eliminate the pool - or even shrink it in size - but their very existence gives promise of better things to come. The many little gifts of kindness that I have received the past few weeks haven't eliminated or diminished the grief. But they have reminded that there are better things and better days to come. And sometimes that's all you need to be able to press on.