The Tale of the Silver Fox: Part the First

It began at the local, as so many of my tales do. I can’t remember which day of the week it was, but that hardly matters as the incident occurred during the six-month stretch when Bunny and I were out and about every single night, without fail. We always started at the local, and we often finished there as well.

The bar was crowded on this particular night, but Bunny, myself, and Georgie Snuggles managed to obtain seats. We were yapping away about nothing in particular when I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a young lady standing behind me and to the left.

“Do you need to get to the bar to order a drink?”
“Yes,” she replied, so I stepped aside so she could take my spot and get the bartender’s attention. While she waited for her pint to be poured and served, we chatted – the usual innocuous small talk between strangers. Her drink arrived and she vacated my spot; I stepped back in, grabbed my own beer, and turned to resume conversation with Bunny and Snuggles, figuring she was on her way back to her friends.

She wasn’t. It was at this point that events spiraled rapidly out of my control. I observed that she was rather drunker than she appeared at first glance – eyes glazed, swaying ever-so-slightly – and talking. A lot. About me leaving the local and going with her and her friend to another bar.

Two things popped into my head. First, that she was hitting on me - probably had been from the outset - and as usual I was the last to figure this out. And two, she was demonstrating all the subtlety and determination of a pit bull in her approach. Despite my many protests to the contrary - my efforts to politely decline - she kept insisting that I should head up the street with her.

I felt trapped. Clearly, I was going to need assistance in resolving this situation. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Bunny and Snuggles had pointedly turned their backs to me and were ignoring my plight. This, I decided, could not be allowed. I would not be left to twist in the wind while they laughed into their beers. So I interrupted their conversation and introduced them to The Pit Bull. Share the misery I thought. Awkward conversation with the drunk chick for everyone. Hell, that was practically a tradition at the local - just ask Katy Stumblepants.

And then Bunny threw me to the wolves….