Once Upon A Time in the Balkans...

...there was a very bored and creative soldier who managed to compile an astounding list of 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to do in the U.S. Army. Some personal favorites:

7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.

202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.