Storm Warning
The winds are beginning to pick up as a storm gathers to break over the world of baseball. Tonight an ancient feud continues as the Red Sox meet the Yankees in the Bronx, a series that may determine the race for the AL East; meanwhile we draw ever closer to the hour when Bunny and I begin our savage and epic journey into the heart of baseball.
In times like these it is wise to gird one's loins by invoking the names of past heroes. So I present to you a brief compendium of my favorite baseball nicknames. The ancients chanted the exploits of grey-eyed Odysseus; today I sing the titles of some of the champions of America's Iliad.
Ted 'Fucking' Williams
Yes, you read that right. Not 'the Kid' or 'The Splendid Splinter' but Ted 'Fucking' Williams. For so Williams dubbed himself. I've heard tell that he would scream out his name as challenge, as he stood in the box to take batting practice.
"I'm Ted Fucking Williams!"
(Whack! - line drive)
"I'm the best goddam hitter in major league baseball!"
(Whack! - the ball is deposited in the bleachers)
"Jesus H. Christ himself couldn't get me out!"
(Whack! - another line drive rises of the bat)
Ty "The Georgia Peach" Cobb
I love this one for the irony - Cobb was many things, but he was certainly not a 'peach.' A vicious, paranoid bigot, he was driven by his demons to compete on the field like no other before or since. Part of his 'gamesmanship' entailed sitting on the bench prior to game time, sharpening his spikes in full view of the opposing team. Nor did Cobb limit his use of spikes to the base paths. He responded to a heckler by vaulting into the stands and giving the offender a kicking with his spikes on; the heckler was unable to defend himself as he had no hands.
Walter "Big Train" Johnson
Pitchers famed for their fastball have a way of acquiring nicknames, from "Rapid" Robert Feller to "Rocket" Roger Clemens. But none of them suggest speed and intimidation like that of a Big Train hurtling down the tracks.
Dick "Dr. Strangeglove" Stuart
The perfect nickname for an hard-hitting but stone-fingered first baseman.
Al "Bucketfoot" Simmons
I just like the sound of this one, ya know? Bucketfoot's your pal, he's a real funny guy, he never hesitates to buy a round of beers. Your life could only be improved by knowing someone with a tag like Bucketfoot.
"Black" Mickey Cochran
Another one I selected simply because I like the way it rolls off the tongue and the images it conjures to mind. "Black" Mickey could just as easily be the grim laird of a Scots Borderer clan as a catcher for the Detroit Tigers.
Christy "Big Six" Mathewson
So called (supposedly) because he stood over six feet - an intimidating height for pre-WWI New York.
Hank "Bad Henry" Aaron
In Men At Work George Will recounts an anecdote, concerning Aaron and the pitchers of an opposing team. The pitchers were going over the scouting reports prior to facing Aaron and his teammates, discussing how they would pitch each one - up, down, inside, away, fastball, breaking stuff. But when Bad Henry's name came up, there was complete silence. Finally someone muttered 'just make sure there's no one on when he hits one out' and they moved on to the next batter.
In times like these it is wise to gird one's loins by invoking the names of past heroes. So I present to you a brief compendium of my favorite baseball nicknames. The ancients chanted the exploits of grey-eyed Odysseus; today I sing the titles of some of the champions of America's Iliad.
Ted 'Fucking' Williams
Yes, you read that right. Not 'the Kid' or 'The Splendid Splinter' but Ted 'Fucking' Williams. For so Williams dubbed himself. I've heard tell that he would scream out his name as challenge, as he stood in the box to take batting practice.
"I'm Ted Fucking Williams!"
(Whack! - line drive)
"I'm the best goddam hitter in major league baseball!"
(Whack! - the ball is deposited in the bleachers)
"Jesus H. Christ himself couldn't get me out!"
(Whack! - another line drive rises of the bat)
Ty "The Georgia Peach" Cobb
I love this one for the irony - Cobb was many things, but he was certainly not a 'peach.' A vicious, paranoid bigot, he was driven by his demons to compete on the field like no other before or since. Part of his 'gamesmanship' entailed sitting on the bench prior to game time, sharpening his spikes in full view of the opposing team. Nor did Cobb limit his use of spikes to the base paths. He responded to a heckler by vaulting into the stands and giving the offender a kicking with his spikes on; the heckler was unable to defend himself as he had no hands.
Walter "Big Train" Johnson
Pitchers famed for their fastball have a way of acquiring nicknames, from "Rapid" Robert Feller to "Rocket" Roger Clemens. But none of them suggest speed and intimidation like that of a Big Train hurtling down the tracks.
Dick "Dr. Strangeglove" Stuart
The perfect nickname for an hard-hitting but stone-fingered first baseman.
Al "Bucketfoot" Simmons
I just like the sound of this one, ya know? Bucketfoot's your pal, he's a real funny guy, he never hesitates to buy a round of beers. Your life could only be improved by knowing someone with a tag like Bucketfoot.
"Black" Mickey Cochran
Another one I selected simply because I like the way it rolls off the tongue and the images it conjures to mind. "Black" Mickey could just as easily be the grim laird of a Scots Borderer clan as a catcher for the Detroit Tigers.
Christy "Big Six" Mathewson
So called (supposedly) because he stood over six feet - an intimidating height for pre-WWI New York.
Hank "Bad Henry" Aaron
In Men At Work George Will recounts an anecdote, concerning Aaron and the pitchers of an opposing team. The pitchers were going over the scouting reports prior to facing Aaron and his teammates, discussing how they would pitch each one - up, down, inside, away, fastball, breaking stuff. But when Bad Henry's name came up, there was complete silence. Finally someone muttered 'just make sure there's no one on when he hits one out' and they moved on to the next batter.
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