My Bad Movie

N.B: there is a movie spoiler ahead. Go on and read anyway, I'm doing you a favor.

I usually enjoy the Sportsguy's writing, but occasionally he leaves me scratching my head:

Good one. That reminds me, does anyone else love DeNiro's new commercial for American Express? Every time it comes on, I'm absolutely transfixed. My oldest friend ... my east ... my west side ... my private side ... (gulp) ... my heartbreak ... (big gulp) ... my heartbeat ... my life happens here ... my card is American Express.

Huh? Everytime it comes on I'm thinking what an old whore or is he that kinda broke?

But hey, maybe I'm just bitter from having suffered through Mr. DeNiro's latest film, the monumentally awful Hide and Seek. Not amusingly awful, where you can laugh at how bad the movie is, but ammoyingly awful, where you squirm in aggravation at having paid to get to see the movie. The only tolerable moments of Hide and Seek featured a very fetching Elisabeth Shue. Invariably clad in a low-cut summer dress of some sort (despite the movie taking place in winter) and knee-high boots, she passed through the film without any discernable effect on the plot or other characters, ultimately serving only to A) brighten Hide and Seek with shots of her legs and cleavage and B) scream real pretty when she was expelled from a second floor window.