News of the Week

Red Sox executive Larry Lucchino responded to questions following Johnny Damon's departure to the New York Yankees:

I would acknowledge that this is a setback in terms of our short-term plans but to keep the faith. We will re-deploy this money intelligently. We will balance our long-term plans with our short-term needs. And we will find players who play for this team in center field, at shortstop, that the fans can be proud of and can take some sense of satisfaction that we're out building a competitive team.

In other news and in an eerily parallel situation, Captain Queeg responded to questions regarding reports of discord and confusion aboard the U.S.S. Caine:

Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action.