Oh We Meander
The Bunny was home for the holidays this past weekend, and many important topics were discussed and issues resolved. As I am pressed for time at the moment, I shall acquaint you, dear reader, with two of these weighty matters.
1. Mass Ave has been renamed 'the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.' For the exact reasoning behind this decision, you may seek me out at the local for an explanation. If you don't where the local is, you'll just have to take my word for it. Trust me, our reasoning was sound.
2. Hats. There was much talk of hats. Friday night the Bunny decided that he needed a new Red Sox hat, and so the following morning we drove in to that giant-ass souvenir store by Fenway. Not only was there a lengthy debate on which hat to purchase, to join the existing rotation of Sox gear, but once the purchase was made it was necessary to determine which place in the rotation the new hat would assume. You see, any serious Sox fan who is also a hat person has a serious collection of Sox hats... and a serious collection of Sox hats merits a serious rotation, comparable to the pitching rotation of a Major League ball club, with the forethought that requires.
I am talking serious stuff here people.
So, after much consideration, I present to you my 2006 starting rotation of Red Sox hats:
The Ace
Navy Blue with a red B. The old reliable of the staff - the hat you can count on, the hat you can turn to when you need a win. This classic is definitely a stopper, and can anchor any fan's rotation.
Number Two
Navy Blue with red socks icon. While the number two hat may lack the historical pedigree and track record of the Ace it has more than earned it's spot on the staff. If the bold red B is a blazing fastball, then the two red socks emblazoned on the front of number two can be considered a devastating changeup.
Number Three
Navy Blue with red Nine in a white circle. Like Ted Williams this hat contains elements of greatness. And like Ted Williams the number three is also a little ornery and out-spoken. This hat is best suited for occasions that call for swearing and opining loudly, hitting things, and landing crippled jet fighters.
Number Four
Kelly green with white B and shamrock. This hat was purchased Saturday and immediately entered the rotation in the four slot. Not a hat you'd lead off an important series with, but not a hat you'd fear sending to the mound.
Number Five
Kelly Green with red B and shamrock. This hat is number five for the same reason Bronson Arroyo often rounds out the back end of the rotation - both are inconsistent. The key to the number five hat is finding it a suitable match up.
The Southpaw
Kahki bucket hat with red B. Like a left-handed reliever of the Mike Myers ilk, this hat will come out of the pen only in very specific situations.
The Kid
Kelly green with red P. This hat has great stuff, but is struggling to find a spot on an already crowded staff.
1. Mass Ave has been renamed 'the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.' For the exact reasoning behind this decision, you may seek me out at the local for an explanation. If you don't where the local is, you'll just have to take my word for it. Trust me, our reasoning was sound.
2. Hats. There was much talk of hats. Friday night the Bunny decided that he needed a new Red Sox hat, and so the following morning we drove in to that giant-ass souvenir store by Fenway. Not only was there a lengthy debate on which hat to purchase, to join the existing rotation of Sox gear, but once the purchase was made it was necessary to determine which place in the rotation the new hat would assume. You see, any serious Sox fan who is also a hat person has a serious collection of Sox hats... and a serious collection of Sox hats merits a serious rotation, comparable to the pitching rotation of a Major League ball club, with the forethought that requires.
I am talking serious stuff here people.
So, after much consideration, I present to you my 2006 starting rotation of Red Sox hats:
The Ace
Navy Blue with a red B. The old reliable of the staff - the hat you can count on, the hat you can turn to when you need a win. This classic is definitely a stopper, and can anchor any fan's rotation.
Number Two
Navy Blue with red socks icon. While the number two hat may lack the historical pedigree and track record of the Ace it has more than earned it's spot on the staff. If the bold red B is a blazing fastball, then the two red socks emblazoned on the front of number two can be considered a devastating changeup.
Number Three
Navy Blue with red Nine in a white circle. Like Ted Williams this hat contains elements of greatness. And like Ted Williams the number three is also a little ornery and out-spoken. This hat is best suited for occasions that call for swearing and opining loudly, hitting things, and landing crippled jet fighters.
Number Four
Kelly green with white B and shamrock. This hat was purchased Saturday and immediately entered the rotation in the four slot. Not a hat you'd lead off an important series with, but not a hat you'd fear sending to the mound.
Number Five
Kelly Green with red B and shamrock. This hat is number five for the same reason Bronson Arroyo often rounds out the back end of the rotation - both are inconsistent. The key to the number five hat is finding it a suitable match up.
The Southpaw
Kahki bucket hat with red B. Like a left-handed reliever of the Mike Myers ilk, this hat will come out of the pen only in very specific situations.
The Kid
Kelly green with red P. This hat has great stuff, but is struggling to find a spot on an already crowded staff.
Labels: our gang, Red Sox, slithytoves
<< Home