Oh We Meander

The Bunny was home for the holidays this past weekend, and many important topics were discussed and issues resolved. As I am pressed for time at the moment, I shall acquaint you, dear reader, with two of these weighty matters.

1. Mass Ave has been renamed 'the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.' For the exact reasoning behind this decision, you may seek me out at the local for an explanation. If you don't where the local is, you'll just have to take my word for it. Trust me, our reasoning was sound.

2. Hats. There was much talk of hats. Friday night the Bunny decided that he needed a new Red Sox hat, and so the following morning we drove in to that giant-ass souvenir store by Fenway. Not only was there a lengthy debate on which hat to purchase, to join the existing rotation of Sox gear, but once the purchase was made it was necessary to determine which place in the rotation the new hat would assume. You see, any serious Sox fan who is also a hat person has a serious collection of Sox hats... and a serious collection of Sox hats merits a serious rotation, comparable to the pitching rotation of a Major League ball club, with the forethought that requires.

I am talking serious stuff here people.

So, after much consideration, I present to you my 2006 starting rotation of Red Sox hats:

The Ace
Navy Blue with a red B. The old reliable of the staff - the hat you can count on, the hat you can turn to when you need a win. This classic is definitely a stopper, and can anchor any fan's rotation.

Number Two
Navy Blue with red socks icon. While the number two hat may lack the historical pedigree and track record of the Ace it has more than earned it's spot on the staff. If the bold red B is a blazing fastball, then the two red socks emblazoned on the front of number two can be considered a devastating changeup.

Number Three
Navy Blue with red Nine in a white circle. Like Ted Williams this hat contains elements of greatness. And like Ted Williams the number three is also a little ornery and out-spoken. This hat is best suited for occasions that call for swearing and opining loudly, hitting things, and landing crippled jet fighters.

Number Four
Kelly green with white B and shamrock. This hat was purchased Saturday and immediately entered the rotation in the four slot. Not a hat you'd lead off an important series with, but not a hat you'd fear sending to the mound.

Number Five
Kelly Green with red B and shamrock. This hat is number five for the same reason Bronson Arroyo often rounds out the back end of the rotation - both are inconsistent. The key to the number five hat is finding it a suitable match up.

The Southpaw
Kahki bucket hat with red B. Like a left-handed reliever of the Mike Myers ilk, this hat will come out of the pen only in very specific situations.

The Kid
Kelly green with red P. This hat has great stuff, but is struggling to find a spot on an already crowded staff.

Crying With Laughter

Just. Fucking. Magical.

Especially the Batman suit.

Home for the Holidays

Another medley of pictures, this time from Christmas weekend.

News of the Week

Red Sox executive Larry Lucchino responded to questions following Johnny Damon's departure to the New York Yankees:

I would acknowledge that this is a setback in terms of our short-term plans but to keep the faith. We will re-deploy this money intelligently. We will balance our long-term plans with our short-term needs. And we will find players who play for this team in center field, at shortstop, that the fans can be proud of and can take some sense of satisfaction that we're out building a competitive team.

In other news and in an eerily parallel situation, Captain Queeg responded to questions regarding reports of discord and confusion aboard the U.S.S. Caine:

Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled the Caine out of action.

More Better Weirdness

Now isn't that photo just begging for a caption?

I lifted this image from the Llamabutchers and was unable to resist putting it up here here. I find pictures of the Cruise android and Holmes zombie fascinating. And unsettling. Just like pictures of clowns.

The first thing that popped into my head when I first saw this picture was the infamous 'dancing-with-myself-in-front-of-mirror' scene from The Silence of the Lambs, which I guess has become my mental shorthand for extreme weirdness and displays of blatant insanity.

"It takes a deep breath and it blows out the candles. Or it gets the hose."

Christmas Medley

Photos from the last two weekends of Christmas parties.

Alive and Well

Yakov Smirnoff is alive and well and living in Branson.

I mention this because, beyond all odds, the name and subject of Yakov Smirnoff was referenced in actual conversation the other night.

Yes. This frightened me as well. It was such an ominous development that Mike and I decided our best option was to A) pretend it never happened and B)immediately order another round and sit quietly.

Vive le Bacon

Like my consigliore, I am now a proud member of the Bacon of the Month club, thanks to our mutual friend Jerry!*

Not only does membership include a boss t-shirt, but bacon delviered to my very door - monthly!

*The genius-and-should-be-famous inventor of the bacon wrapped in bacon appetizer.

That Time Of Year Again

Here are a few more Addams Family holiday cartoons.

I do enjoy the Christmas season. I just don't necessarily enjoy the other people emjoying the Christmas season.

Yes, I'm dreading the coming task of shopping.

(lva)

From the Big Apple

Here are my pictures from New York. I should note that because I have the bad habit of forgetting I'm carrying a camera, there aren't many of them and they're all from Saturday night. And you probably don't know the people in the photos. But hey, go ahead and look.

Running To Stand Still

An account of this past weekend in New York (and the attendant pictures) will be up later. Until then, here's a meme (man, I'm really starting to hate on that word) I stole from over here.

1. My uncle once: flew F-14 Tomcats.
2. Never in my life: have I been to Canada.
3. When I was five: my favorite shows were Rin Tin Tin and World At War. I've always been weird.
4. High School is: rapidly fading in the rearview mirror.
5. My parents are: recently divorced.
6. I once met: a girl I thought I was going to marry.
7. There's this girl I know who: never fails to cheer me up.
8. Once, at a bar: I fell through the wall of a stall in the men's room. Caused quite a ruckus.
9. Last night: went to class, followed by dinner at the local. Bushmills for dessert. Mmmm... whiskey.
10. Next time I go to church: my mother will be very surprised.
11. When I turn my head left, I see: cube wall.
12. When I turn my head right, I see: cube wall.
13. How many days until my birthday?: about seven or so months.
14. If I was a character written by Shakespeare I'd be: oh please. Ok, I'd be Yorick. Happy?
15. By this time next year: I'd like to be in a better place.
16. A better name for me would be: Monsieur Squiggly? The-Ghost-Who-Walks? Randandom? You all decide.
17. I have a hard time understanding: most of what goes on in my life.
18. If I ever go back to school I: will accrue lots and lots of debt. Yay.
19. You know I like you if: I let you borrow a book.
20. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my sister.
21. Take my advice: do as I say, not as I do.
22. My ideal breakfast is: coffee first and foremost. Plus eggs, overeasy, with bacon and hash browns.
23. If you visit my hometown: you'll be as bored as I was growing up there.
24. Why won't someone: make me rich dammit!
25. If you spend the night at my house: you get coffee first thing in the morning.
26. I'd stop my wedding: if my wife-to-be tried to kill me at the rehearsal dinner. That would be a red flag right there.
27. The world could do without: the vast majority of rap music. And the Eagles.
28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: wear any sort of Yankees gear.
29. Paper clips are more useful than: a hole in the head. Honestly, I don't devote much thought to paper clips.
30. If I do anything well, it is: write - not that you'd notice by most of what I put up here.
31. And by the way: don't look back. Something might be gaining.